IS IT TIME TO DO AWAY WITH HEIRLOOM ENGAGEMENTS?
Heirlooms are beautiful, coveted pieces passed down through generations. They are sentimental, thoughtful, and ancient. Their antiquity usually holds their value. If it’s old, it’s gold, and that’s usually enough. If not passed down for normal wear, they’re usually reserved for engagements and entrusted to the favourite grandchild to present to their partner. A decision so thoughtful that their chosen partner will not have a say in the ring that remains on their finger for a lifetime.
I’m now at the age where it feels like all of my peers are getting engaged, and every month a new diamond encrusted finger is flashed my way. All of them were proud owners of a personalised ring that fit their style and personality, until my friend, Emma, invited me to dinner and with a shy glance cast her finger my way. A large, poorly sized, diamond brick engulfed her thin finger and I could see the difference in her smile compared to our other friends. She wasn’t happy. Not at all. It’s not that it looked horrendous, it just wasn’t ‘her’.
The truth is; heirloom wearers smile through gritted teeth, make polite comments about the rings ‘history’, but behind closed doors, mock it, resent it, fantasise about pawning it or even chopping their finger off. Either that, or the ring doesn’t fit the aesthetic of its chosen wearer, who, in most cases, is too afraid to say how they truly feel in fear of disappointing their partner. They should love it, right? Be eternally grateful, right? But a ring. An ENGAGEMENT RING should have a story and a personal message that fits its owner. Sometimes, heirlooms like that are much better kept in a jewellery box rather than a begrudging finger.
Now, modern engagements have changed the landscape of proposals altogether. Couples have tossed out the ancient tradition of one partner picking the ring and instead prefer to choose the ring together. Some say this takes away from the romance and mystery of when the proposal will happen. But wouldn’t you rather have a lack of mystery than an ugly ring to wear for the rest of your life? People say it’s the sentiment that counts and that you should be grateful that such a piece was kept for you, but in the same breath, would they wear a ratty, old cardigan from their great granny’s wardrobe? Probably not.Why do older rings hold more value because a grandmother, whom your partner once met when they were a newborn, happened to wear it?
So what can I advise all of the pending proposers? Listen to your partner. Ask them to write a checklist of do’s and don’ts or, make it more simple with clear yes and no answers. Yes to diamonds. No to rubies. Yes to emeralds. No to a princess cut. All you have to do is pay attention to your partner. If you ‘happen’ to pass by a jewellery shop, watch where their eyes linger and look at the rings they currently wear. Think about whether your partner really wants to wear your dead aunt’s ring or would they rather have their own ring that will start your story—together.
This isn’t to say all heirlooms aren’t beautiful; I am the wearer of many. They can be just as beautiful, and if your partner has seen it and loves it, then propose with it. But really look at it and think if your partner desires it. If you know your partner, you know their ring. It doesn’t have to be expensive or more precious than a five-pound ring bought in a market (even if it leaves a green band around their finger) or you can dive into your pockets and choose something worth a few carats. You choose the ring, for your partner, and no one else.
The ring is for the wearer.
Olivia Bridge 
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